PPV Porn Titles
Here's a few from today's batch of titles available for your viewing on Channel 95 on Cablevision:
Coctomom - This is certainly not a spinoff portrayal of that lady who had eight children at once, although she may spin on something.
I Finally F.ed Your Neighbor - I don't think she baked them apple or cherry pies, you must notice the "." in the title.
Break Me In Brotha - Not her actual brother, and I don't think she's talking about breaking in a new baseball glove.
100% Black Holes - NOT about astronomy or the solar system, I'm 100% sure of this.
Call the WHAM-bulance!!
LeBron James did not lead the Miami Heat to the title, as everyone and their brother figured they would. The problem was he choked, plain and simple. I am not in the business of bashing a player or team (OK, not all the time) but he was probably the biggest reason they lost, plain and simple.
And to prove how much of a baby he is, here's his quote:
“All the people that was rooting on me to fail, at the end of the day they have to wake up tomorrow and have the same life that they had before they woke up today.”
They made a fucking ESPN special about your decision, you selfish, self-loathing dick. Sure the spotlight was on you and your epic failure in basketballs biggest stage (besides the Olympics) - you created the situation with your infamous "the Decision" special. Nonsensical bullshit. Your ego is enormous, that's why people were rooting against you. Dwayne Wade, he's a likeable guy. Chris Bosh, he doesn't say two words.
The joke going around the Twitter world was "don't ask LeBron James for change of a dollar because he doesn't have a fourth quarter" is the reality of his series. He was choke-tastic in the final quarter in almost every game.
And truth be told, Dirk was the better superstar in this series and even though he had a rough go at it in Game 6's clincher, he was the MVP of the series. And to think, James and Wade were mocking his illness before one of the games. LeBron, you choked. You went to South Beach because you had a three-headed monster and pave the way to the title. Rocky road, huh?
Steve Kerr, ex-Bulls great and former Suns GM, compared LeBron to Scottie Pippen rather than MJ. Why? Because he is more of a point forward who plays lock-down defense. He was a "sometimes shooter" - sometimes it went in, sometimes it doesn't. He also said "The King" isn't good enough offensively and doesn't have an offensive game he can rely on - no low-post game, no mid-range jump shot - so when it gets tough, as it did this series, he doesn't have a go-to. Jordan did that shit in his sleep. And that's why Jordan is the greatest.
LeBron, better luck next year. Actually, no. You big bitch. Take your money. Take your fame. Take your weak ass finishing ability. Sure you never have compared yourself to #23 from North Carolina, and you shouldn't. You're a beast, that's for sure, but you needed Wade and Bosh to get you here. Jordan was the guy. Pippen and Rodman were background noise.
Wade is the star in Miami, more now than ever. Shaquille "The Big AARP" O'Neal helped helped him win a title in 2006 with a far less talented core of players.
--In 2006, Wade was 27.2 ppg, Shaq 20.0 ppg. The 3rd and 4th options? Jason Williams and Antoine Walker - 12.3 ppg and 12.2 ppg, respectively. So the top four scorers averaged 71.7 ppg. The team averaged 99.9 ppg and allowed 96.0 ppg.
--In 2011, LeChoke let the way with 26.7 ppg, Wade scored 25.5 ppg, Bosh chipped in 18.7 a game, and the fourth leading scorer this year was the fifth leading scorer in 2006, Udonis Haslem, with 8.0 ppg. That's 78.9 ppg. The team scored 102.1 ppg and allowed 94.6 a game.
Not only did this team score more, they also played lock-down defense. I am not sure where it all went wrong - besides the fourth quarter struggles of LeBron.
OK, my eyes hurt from all this number crunching I've been doing. Time to call it a night and lay down a bit. Just did a few loads of laundry (well, Lindsay put them in the washer, I put them in the drier, and she folded them). Nolan is taking a little siesta in his crib - hopefully til about 11:00pm then a diaper change and back to sleep for all the Darcy's. Taking Nathan out now.
Adios compadres!
